After all the things I did to be fine

I still find myself in the verge of cryin’

Every thought triggers a memory

Only that there remains the pain

No more joy or any good feelings

Just the suffering I had to endure alone and in silence

I cannot bring myself to open my heart again

As I felt that I am going to be unfair

Undeserving to accept anything if I can’t be whole

But will I even get to that point?

Will I ever forgive myself that I’ve come to hate?

That I’ve come to hate for how much I am willing to lose myself to heal you

Stupid mistake

Stupid enough to realize just now

That I have only hated myself in this process

But how should I ask forgiveness to myself?

How long should I punish myself for losing me once and now finding it hard to return?